Bad movies ought to be avoided at all costs - one typically doesn’t seek them out despite the obvious (hey how bad can Fantastic Four really be?). As I always caution, it’s disingenuous to think any movie started off with the intention to be bad - perhaps all of these movies should inspire some kind of documentary about creative visions, egos, and intervention gone awry. Perhaps the only filmmaker to have claimed he hoped to make a truly awful movie (and succeeded) was Tommy Wiseau. Making a film requires an abundance of ambition, sometimes it requires more than the budget or mental bandwidth of the filmmakers allows.
With that said - here’s 20 films that left me scratching my head (links to full reviews included for select films) - bad movies do happen to go people, one I critically left off this list - The Adderall Diaries, an awful James Franco vehicle that A24 will release next year. You’ve been warned.
20 - The Fantastic Four (Josh Trank)
My theory is Josh Trank’s ambition - to create a character driven action film like his debut feature Chronicle (for the record I enjoyed that one) wasn’t matched by his producers. For every Colin Trevorrow and Ryan Coolgler (filmmakers that cut their teeth on smaller budgets and have found studio success) there’s a Josh Trank. But he alone shouldn’t be blamed, circumstances of the production aside - what remains is a bland affair. A rare dialogue driven action film, the material seems to devoid of any kind of edge down the cheese special effects that follow in its underwhelming third act. It’s a shame - here’s a film that I would be curious to see a director’s cut of.
19.- Me and Earl and the Dying Girl (Alfonso Gomez-Rejon)
Something about this movie just rubbed me the wrong way - a teen comedy that attempts to have it both ways, the film is the story of Greg (Thomas Mann) - the “Me” of the title and frankly the least interesting one in the bunch. Suffering from the same issue another that Paper Towns suffered from - Me and Earl and the Dying Girl ultimately has less going for it despite a decent premise and a few laughs. It’s heart simply put doesn’t seem to be in the right place.
18.- Truth (James Vanderbilt)
Overshadowed (and rightfully so) by Spotlight, Truth, in 20 years might be misremembered as that cheap knock-off that was out around the same time. (Truth actually dropped first, although both were at TIFF this year). Here’s a film that will provide fuel for those wackos that believe all non-secular media is too liberal - all while trying to vindicate a Mary Mapes (who provides the source material for Vanderbilt’s screenplay - she’s played here by Cate Blanchett). Unauthorized by CBS - Robert Redford has no choice but to impersonate Dan Rather, in a film that feels like its impersonating a better journalistic thriller. Bland and unnecessary, Truth is an odd beast, watching it I didn’t feel sympathy for those whose careers were ruined by shoddy reporting - I felt embarrassed - especially when Topher Grace’s Mike Smith blasts Viacom in a self-righteous speech. Full of big, artificial moments, Truth, truth be told, is a train wreck.
17.- The Boy Next Door (Rob Cohen)
If only this picture didn’t take itself so seriously - Rob Cohen is the wrong man to tackle Barbara Curry’s script - they should have hired Tommy Wiseau. If anything it could have offered some unique product placement for his brand of underwear. What would be cringe enduring had its lead Ryan Guzman looked like he was of high school age is pretty much one of those erotic thrillers you’d find on HBO at 3AM back in the day. Elevated slightly by Jennifer Lopez, this low budget affair (complete with digital grain from a bumped ISO - they saved some money on lighting!) at least knows what it is. A $4 million dollar film that could have gone theatrical or to VOD (part of the Bloomhouse model) it’s at least unintentionally funny - imagine what would have happened with low stakes and increased freedom - why not hire Tommy Wiseau to make it glorious?
16.-Max (Boaz Yakin)
Far be it for me to take aim at a film about a hero dog, suffering from PTSD after returning from Afghanistan. Given to the little brother of a Marine killed in a bomb blast (Josh Wiggins) - the two learn to heal after the tragedy in this important, patriotic coming of age drama. Yeah, but that’s not this movie. Throw in a bizarre plot point about drug dealing and a kidnapping, Max left me thinking “WTF”. A bait-and-switch of a family picture - Max is not at all what it promises to be, it’s far weirder and less genuine. It’s a shame, really, given what the film had been advertised to be and what it ultimately became, given the harrowing premise, Max was not the sensitive character study I was expecting at all.
15.-The Loft (Erik Van Looy)
Apart from Michael Haneke’s Funny Games, I’ll never understand what the exact motivation (besides a paycheck and of course the chance to prove yourself) of a filmmaker wishing to remake their film in the US. Perhaps one day I’ll get to interview Erik Van Looy and I’ll ask him. Based on his 2008 picture - The Loft (shot in 2011 and dropped by Universal Pictures) is actually the SECOND remake of his original - you’d think they’d get it right. Awfully sexist with little redemption the film forgets to given us someone to root for - everyone is unlikable. That doesn’t necessarily make a bad movie - Hateful Eight is a great one and everyone is..um…hateful. Visually quite stylish, The Loft is a morality tale wrapped in a non-linear who-done-it thriller that never quite gave us a reason to care - I hated every one of these sexist pigs.
14.- Welcome to Me (Shira Piven)
An odd film that tries to have it both ways, Shira Piven and screenwriter Eliot Laurence never quite hit the right rhythm or tone: a drama with a few laughs or a comedy with a lot of drama - it never quite commits or decides where to go. Quirky, sure - but it provides no pleasure watching the destruction of Kristin Wiig’s Alice - an unstable women who overnight wins the Mega-Millions and proceeds to bankroll her empire. This particular film is painful - with some refinement this picture could have been quite brilliant - with no shortage of talent here (the film co-stars Tim Robins, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Loretta Devine, Joan Cusack, and Wes Bentley) - the lackluster direction just didn’t work for me.
13.- Get Hard (Etan Cohen)
Lackluster - although one knows what they’re expecting walking in. I chuckled a few times, surely - but the thing I recall the most, rather interestingly is how proper projection really does matter. The exhibitor started the film in the wrong aspect ratio and switched it over to a stretched image without rebooting the projector (rather than incurring the wrath of a theatre full of patrons). The results were disastrous - comedy, like drama is all about framing and one-off element like aspect ratio really matters. Technical issues aside - Get Hard is a vulgar affair lacking the kind of refinement of frequent Will Ferrell collaborator Adam McKay who would have infused the material with more interesting politics than director Etan Cohen does. Kevin Hart - when he works for me, he works for me - here and in a film we’ll get to in a bit - he didn’t.
12.- Mortdecai (David Koepp)
Directed by David Koepp, this globe trotting stashed detective (played by Johnny Depp) never has enough fun as it thinks its having - a fish out of water and past his prime this misfire never delivers the goods. Jeff Goldbloom, Olivia Munn and Paul Bethany co-star along with Gwyneth Paltrow as Mrs. Mordecai.
11- Live From New York (Bao Nguyen)
A slight exploration of the Saturday Night Live dynasty - Boa Nguyen’s Live From New York is about as effective as an SNL compilation DVD found in the bargain bin at Target. We visit with failure faces and talking heads - each is more nostalgic than insightful as the material is presented to us in “chapters”. Pop culture observers and the socially aware will be bored out of their mind.
(review)
10.- The Lazarus Effect (David Gelb)
A contained horror film using the failure trope of containing researchers playing God in a lab while awful stuff happens - The Lazarus Effect is a minor entry into this genre. Mark Duplass, Oliva Wild and Sarah Bolger star in this unremarkable effort from director David Gelb - known best for his masterful documentary Jiro Dreams of Sushi.
9.- Hitman: Agent 47 (Aleksander Bach)
A sequel no one asked for filled with frenetic action that looks slick but there’s little else going on under the surface. Worse than Fantastic Four, Hitman: Agent 47 is a disposable, globally focused-group consumer product.
8.- Freeheld (Peter Sollett)
Timely if painfully vanilla - good intentions and a bland pain-by-numbers script fail to connect despite the presence of Julianne Moore and Ellen Page as Laurel Hester and Stacie Andree - civil rights pioneers. The mechanism of social advocacy (even if Hester and Andree were reluctant advocates) is explored via a performance that’s way over the top - Steve Carell plays Steven Goldstein, founder of Garden State Equality. Freehold could have been a great film - surely the story is inspirational but the material never quite transcends the beyond the quality of a made for TV movie.
7.-The D-Train (Jarred Paul and Andrew Mogel)
A baffling recipient of a wide release this summer via IFC Films (the byproduct of a bidding war gone horribly wrong in Park City, I suppose), The D-Train stars Jack Black, the chairman of his high school’s alumni committee who convinces commercial TV actor Oliver Lawless (James Marsden) to come back to a reunion following a drug filled sexually explicit evening. The premise isn’t so bad - in fact it made me nostalgic for the earlier work of black (School of Rock and Orange County come to mind first). The D-Train is quite a train wreck - often we can’t help but look at it even in its most absurd moments. Goodwill and nostalgia do not a movie make.
6.-Thought Crimes (Erin Lee Carr)
Running thin even at 82 minutes, this portrait of Gilberto Valle aka the NYPD’s Cannibal Cop, the material never seems to justify a feature length treatment - nor is Valle all that interesting. A sick bastard, sure - Carr immaturely continues to juxtapose the sorted details of Valle’s imagination with shots of him cooking and eating. Chalking it up to being one of those wacky “only in New York” stories - this documentary about a man who fantasies about cannibalism left a bad taste in my mouth.
(review)
5.-Green Inferno (Eli Roth)
Eli Roth would likely be proud to end up on this list (not that he cares) - he’s a tough nut to crack. Often his film are by their nature repulsive and sexist (yet he seem personable in interviews) filled with gruesome toucher imagery. I knew what I was getting into here - yet the heart is missing. What strikes me as false isn’t the cannibalism so much as it is the relationships at the core of this film. We need a reason to care or we need to have fun - as a horror flick this one is quite light on both.
4.-Bleeding Heart (Diane Bell)
Suffering from performances, direction and writing that each lack nuance, Bleeding Heart takes subject matter deserving of mature, thoughtful treatment and distorts reality into a series of soap opera clichés. Written and directed by Diane Bell, this lifetime original movie-style drama stars Jessica Biel as May, a yoga instructor living with boyfriend Dex (Edi Gathegi). Biel seeks to find her biological sister which leads her to Shiva (Zosia Mamet), a rather fitting name for a sex worker pimped out by boyfriend Cody (Joe Anderson). Bell’s heavy handed screenplay constrains the material, devoid of raw emotion, Bleeding Heart is full of predictable moments and conventions.
(review)
3.-Rock the Kasbah (Barry Levinson)
Sleezy and unlikable - a departure from Bill Murray’s lovable performance in last year’s St. Vincnet, Rock the Kasbah finds Murray as a down on his luck talent agent roaming around Afghanistan. The third act finds him producing (for his own self-interests) the career of a young Pasture girl Saliam (Leem Lubany) who finds her way onto Afghan Star and finds her voice. If only the film could find it’s voice: Barry Levinson’s film is never clear as to what it’s intentions are; an interesting film can and has been made of unlikable characters, but any chance of that is squandered at every time here. Played for laughs it simply doesn’t work, and it’s never coherent enough to explore the economies of war. Also baffling is Merci (Kate Hudson) – why would such a smart actress allow herself to play such a one-dimensional role as part of a sexist fantasy?
(review)
2.- The Wedding Ringer (Jay Lavender)
A comedy existing in its own upper-middle class bubble, The Wedding Ringer is a pathetic and doll comedy that’s DOA - Kevin Hart plays Bic Mitchum, a kind of friend for hire - I won’t call him a whore, but he’s a whore. Hired to play best man to Doug (Josh Gad), a workaholic with no friends marrying the spoiled, bitch and one-dimensional Gretchen (Kaley Cuoco-Sweeting) the film offers of redeeming values with comedy that shows verses tells. A failing grade in screenwriting class and a failing grade at your multiplex - the film is simply an intellectual human rights violation, unfit for consumption.
(review)
1.- Digging for Fire (Joe Swanberg)
Life is too short, although apparently not short enough for Joe Swanberg. Digging For Fire is a miserable experience - 85 minutes quite frankly with idiots whom I don’t care very much about. Arrested Development (also an acquired taste) gave us a reason to care - here Swanberg’s lackluster direction bends and winds its way through conversations that go nowhere. This would be fine if the film actually had some direction - Swanberg has made this kind of film before (often on a shoestring budget). You’d think he would have gotten it out of his system (Drinking Buddies showed promise that he could transcend the kind of film he kept remaking) but this painfully bland picture inserts a lame McGuffin that grows into an even lamer metaphor for growing up. Not only did I stop caring about 30 minutes in, at around the 55 minutes mark I decided I had enough and that my evening would be better spent elsewhere. Regal’s first look pre-show ad program is more engaging and interesting than this picture. What the hell were Jake Johnson (the film’s co-writer), Brie Larson(!), Sam Rockwell, Mike Birbiglia, Sam Elliott, Anna Kendrick, Chris Messina, Jane Adams, Ron Livingston, Melanie Lynskey and Jenny Slade thinking?
No comments:
Post a Comment