THE BOTTOM 20: the worst films of 2013

 

2013 actually was not a landmark year for cinema – sure we had some excellent new films – many were in the middle, what my old college roommate used to say when he didn’t want to make a decision about a movie (and rather frequently) “two – two and a half stars”. It was that kind of year.

With that said we must revisit, or shall we say – take a walk of shame first before we get to the best. This year I had knocked back a little over 300 films in theaters. The rule for qualification is simple (yet I still struggle with them). I had to have seen them in 2013 in a finished state and accessible to those willing to pay for them in a public setting (like a film festival, theatrical run or a screening where money was exchanged for a ticket). It’s even more painful when MoviePass doesn’t cover one of these stinkers.

So why revisit the bottom 20? I should caution this is entirely subjective, some movies on this list were hits and were widely loved, others have yet to surface beyond a festival run (many of those were Tribeca films). Some were action movies that had little going on under the hood, and some where made by people with good intensions. It may seem unfair to call them out but they do quality under the rules. (One in particular, a Buffalo, NY indie that I had considered leaving off the list, however any publicity is better than no publicity - right?). And so it goes – and the funny thing is this isn’t 50 hours of my life I wish I could get back no matter how painful certain moments pained me – there is always something to learn from the awful.

20 – Teenage (Matt Wolf) – Simply put Teenage tells an interesting story in a rather dull way. An academic study told in recreations framed to appear as found footage, it functions in both the poetic and expository documentary modes. Amongst several problems is the lack of voices – only four to represent teens everywhere. The style recalls the reflexive, personal film essays of Terence Davis (in  particular Of Time and the City) without the emotional connection. (Full Review)

19 – Crystal Fairy & the Magical Cactus and 2012 (Sebastian Silva) – I might have missed the boat on this one, a drug filed romp through Chile staring Michael Cera, the problem is as innovative as certain moments are it’s just not very funny. Watch El Topo instead.

18 – Diana (Oliver Hirschbiegel) – How did a smart director make such a misfire (perhaps contractual obligation), this is the story of Prince Diana (played by Naomi Watts) and her last days including her nearly secret relationship with Hasnat Khan (Naveen Andrews) before her well documented fling with Dodi Fayed. Poorly written in passages, it suffers from the same problem Jobs did – it lacks ambition.

17.- Thor: The Dark World (Alan Taylor) – Again perhaps I missed the boat on this one. I enjoyed the first Thor movie, this one I didn’t really provide me with a reason to care with no much going on under the hood I was mostly bored.

16.- Bullet to the Head (Walter Hill) – Such a shame, I was in the mood for an 80’s throw back (especially after seeing Arnold’s return in The Last Stand, one of the best action films of the year) – and this is what I got. Most noticeably, the film is poorly color graded, so much so I had to confirm the theater removed the Real-D polarizer from the projector. The movie lacks fun and wit. On a side note Sly Stallone’s latest film Grudge Match, is pretty enjoyable.

15.- Pacific Rim (Guillermo del Toro) – My friend James claims I hate this movie because I never had a childhood. I like to think I had a great childhood, raised on a steady diet of Ang Lee, Spike Lee, and Mike Leigh. This is a giant game of Rock Em Sock Em Robots that’s not very interesting save for Ron Pearlman. Guillermo del Toro is a great filmmaker and a wonderful visual storyteller, this one represents a lapse in judgement. 

14. – GI Joe: Retaliation (John M. Chu) – Pushed back to digitally convert the film to 3D, the strange thing is it never resolves anything – Channing Tatum appears and then is gone with no explanation like Judy from Family Matters. A mess that was likely made worse due to studio intervention and a lame 3D conversion (sadly its directed by Jon M. Chu who knows how to use 3D well, if only he knew how to 'use' story…)

13.- Movie 43 (various) An omni-bus crash – Movie 43 should have been released in webisodes. Various A-List celebrities appear in a film that was clearly has been designed to be consumed on cable – hey look it’s Emma Stone, what movie is this? It’s not cinema.

(Full Review)

12.-  The Big Wedding (Justin Zackham) Another star studded dud with too few laughs – it’s the worst kind of safe “product”.

11.- Bluebird (Lance Edmands) Set in a small Maine town at the height of logging season, this is essentially the story of a small town transfixed by tragedy – but its no Atom Egoyan film. Leaving the more interesting parts off screen, it’s slow rhythm eventually grows maddening and indulgent – it’s a shame, the film contains excellent performances by John Slattery and Louisa Krause, but it would be better off 20 minutes shorter.

10.- Safe Haven (Lasse Hallstrom) Okay – when they make the Chris Brown/Rihanna biopic they must hire Nicolas Sparks to write the screenplay. This one contains all the narrative material of a Sparks novel (abused, lonely women on the run – a nice guy – crooked cops). It’s like he’s not even trying anymore. Not original or exciting – it like other Sparks adaptations contains pretty people and beautiful cinematography so it’s at least got that going for it.

9.- Deep Powder (Mo Ogrodnik) Inspired by a true story, Deep Powder chooses to tell the least interesting part of the story – a classic rich girl falls for a poor boy, they together smuggle drugs in to the US for her rich asshole prep school friends. I wish they were the prep school kids of a Whit Stillman movie, but they speak about nothing original or interesting. A dull picture that takes itself way too seriously to have any fun. (Full Review)

8.- Battle of the Year 3D (Benson Lee) Geared perhaps for a global audience, Battle of the Year 3D is one of the worst 3D films of all time with action moving so frantically you’ll leave the theater feeling like you’d been out drinking all night. Adapted from Benson Lee’s documentary Planet B-Boy, it’s a very boring, poorly written mess with a 110 minute running time. Caution. (Full Review)

7.- The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones (Harald Zwart) A strange, dull and otherwise downright lazy that contains very little of interest – poor character development and lame action. A mundane movie for an audience of “mundanes” (the film’s term for human). (Full Review)

6.- A Case of You (Kat Coiro) Bafflingly bad, a hipster romantic comedy staring Justin Long as a writer (of course) and Evan Rachel Wood as a woman he follows obsessively on Facebook, learning her interests in order to be her perfect man. Creepy, dull and sad – just like its characters. (Full Review)

5.-Smurfs 2 (Raja Gosnell) A few years ago my friends and I saw The Garbage Pail Kids movie at midnight at Brooklyn’s Nitehawk Cinema – as scary and weird as that movie was at least a massive amount of cocaine can be blamed for its making. Smurfs 2 is just awful – scary, weird and creepy – I can’t imagine kids would have found joy in it, I certainly didn’t. (Full Review)

4.- Salinger (Shane Salerno) Unnecessary is the best way to describe this. Director Shane Salerno adds too little to the conversation, telling us first the story we know and a little behind the mystery leading up to its big reveal – the last photographs of JD Salinger alive as he baits the filmmaker. I wish it was as witty as a Nina Davenport movie, but no, Salerno keeps himself off camera.

3.- Ombis: Alien Invasion (Adam Steigert) A Western New York indie made by a dedicated army of volunteers with good intentions. The problem is that it wasn’t funny, scary or all that interesting. Described as a 1950’s style B-Movie it never really had fun with the genre by offering up surprises and twists.

2.- I’m In Love with a Church Girl (Steve Race) The worst kind of faith-based film, an advertisement rather than a movie. Good faith-based films do exist (consider Grace Unplugged, a good one released a few weeks before this one) but this one, existing within a Christian consumer ecosystem is awfully strange. Underscoring every emotional beat with music it doesn’t need it’s a shame – the film was written and produced by Galley Molina, a drug trafficker who later found faith – that’s the movie I want to see. (Full Review)

1.- InAPPropriate Comedy (Vince Offer) The worst kind of movie – mean spirited, vulgar, dirty and stupid. It offers a chuckle or two but like the products Vince Offer hocks it doesn’t deliver the goods. Featuring several former A-list celebrities the only rational for this movie was a potential tax write-off, maybe? (Full Review)

The Agony of Year End: Top and Bottom Lists

The Broken Circle Breakdown - perhaps "the one that got away"

I’m not slacking off, nor am I procrastinating. I’m at the point where I truly believe the remaining films I’ll see this year and in early 2014 – including August: Osage County, Dhoom 3, Justin Beiber’s Believe and Walking with Dinosaurs 3D will fall into that neither here nor there category. That isn’t to say I won't later see the one that got away - but at a certain point I should be selfish: if I had not been presented the opportunity to reasonably see a movie, should that be my problem?

Yes and no. A few that got away came recommended by friends (I had solicited feedback on Facebook) they included Dan Mecca’s (co-founder of The Film Stage) suggestion I seek out The Broken Circle Breakdown, a Belgian film that I missed at Tribeca (as well as other screening opportunities). I imagine the picture is bleaker if you’re someone like Jeff Simon, our film critic in Buffalo (who briefly covered Toronto) – especially if you have to recommend films that will only be showing in Buffalo.

Still I remain slightly haunted – and so are others. Following Alamo Drafthouse CEO and Founder Tim League (the company just announced in 2013 they’ll be showing 100 essential films – favorites of their programming team) it becomes challenging to see everything, he’s been posting his progress on Facebook. This year I closed out a new record, 300 in theaters – including festivals - perhaps another 50 more when you consider screeners and Netflix. (Bill Graham – a Texas based correspondent for the Film Stage wrote in with Drug Wars, which was an excellent action picture, but narrowly missed my top 50).

With that said I attempt to walk into theater with an open mind and heart – sometimes it’s not so easy to leave one’s baggage at the door and submit. 2013 had been a rather interesting year geographically for me – spending it divided amongst three locations – Edinboro, PA (outside of Erie – with a 17-plex that may occasionally show a Focus Features/Sony Classics indie and a weekly film society screenings), North Jersey/New York Metro (where you can see anything you want), and Buffalo, NY (limited but some weekends we'll see as many as 6-7 new movies if we’re lucky between our art houses, multiplexes, micro cinemas and local screenings). What I’m most haunted by is regional filmmaking which can be a little like folk art – I’d like to think film festivals serve communities well but like any exhibitor its about putting butts in the seats.

Too many don’t take risks. I will specifically call out the Teaneck International Film Festival (Teaneck, NJ) for this one – they quite frankly programmed films that were widely accessible – some with theatrical and video releases - without the courtesy of notifying filmmakers who were not selected to screen. Festivals that are not transparent with regards to their selection process including how they define themselves are the worst kinds of gatekeepers – the Teaneck community would be best served by a weekly screening series.

The best film festivals still are political – I applaud the programmers at Toronto for acknowledging what is largely unknown to amateur filmmakers (we’ll address those in a moment). Programmers are often tracking films in production, produced by friends, contacts, etc. It still comes down to quality. At Toronto it’s acknowledged who had brought the film to the programming department’s attention (normally a talent agency). At two of the 20 screenings I attended this year, programmers acknowledged seeing works in various states of rough cut before inviting them to the festival – in one instance the filmmakers worked on the film for over a year in post.

The gatekeepers continue to exist at a time when distribution costs have in essence skewed down to zero. If you consider that inevitably a hidden masterpiece made by a kid in Iowa who never attended film school likely exists on YouTube, you’ll be kept up at night. Therefore we need some rules – what makes a “2013 film” a real “2013 film”? (The Independent Spirit Awards struggle with this every year). So here are my rules – imperfect as they are. I had to have seen the film in 2013, the film had to be have been in a finished state and accessible to those willing to pay for it (at a screening, festival, etc). Still this is not everyone’s rules and films morph over time – I was blown away by Spring Breakers in 2012 when I saw it at TIFF (Toronto International Film Festival) and it’s power grew when I saw it in 2013 in an Erie, PA multiplex.

With that said where does Buffalo’s local film stand up? Painfully I have debated myself as to whether or not one local film deserves a spot in my bottom 25 – is it fair? Is it politically a good move for me? Yes – I paid to see the movie, but was it really a movie? Did it have the same characteristics of a professional movie with a large budget made with bad intensions or was it more of a hobby? I respect when people with full time jobs come together on weekends to make something happen but it really wasn’t very good or ambitious? Then again should my film – Brandonwood join it on the bottom 25 (I don’t think so but I certainly cringe when I think what I could have done differently, and frequently – then again I’ve seen the film more than anyone else because I lived with it for two years)? I just don’t know, this is all a gray area.

In closing, access remains an issue – my life experience and geography is different than others so I shouldn’t feel bad. Nor should I pretend year-end top and bottom lists are perfect – some critics will even see films twice to measure if their impact still holds up (sadly that’s not always an option – and besides “ain’t nobody got time for that”). At 300 films in theatres this year I feel like I’m a pretty well informed consumer, few films blew me away, some films last forever, and others fade.

My process is this – I assign each film I see a star ranking (that may change in my mind over time as I process – I normally like to reflect on a film a week after I see it). Those that achieve 3 ½ (of 4) are put on a list; those that achieve 4 are given a star on that list. Those that achieve 1 ½ or lower are on the “naughty” list. One film, which will be my worst film of the year (thankfully also reviewed at Film Stage) achieved zero – it was awful, mean spirited and above all not funny (no, it wasn’t produced in Buffalo).

Then the magic happens – is Nebraska a better film than Wolf of Wall Street? Enough Said is brilliant in its own way but does it stand up to the ambition of Fredrick Wiseman’s At Berkley. Joshua Oppenheimer’s Act of Killing stuck with me – but how does it rank against Nils Tavernier’s The Finishers, a film I saw at TIFF that left not a dry eye in the house (it should be picked up by Harvey Weinstein and made into a global hit)? Those difficult decisions will be finalized tonight and tomorrow.

MINI-REVIEWS 12/13

Here's what's currently in theaters and worth checking out or avoiding this weekend.

Fink on Films uses a four-star scale

0 - offensive on every level
* - dreadful
** - decent
*** - great
**** - outstanding

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12 Years a Slave (****) - An impressive feat of filmmaking from Steve McQueen, who immerses audiences within the experience of Solomon Northup, a free man sold into slavery, an important brutal story that's brilliant even if the presence of Brad Pitt is a tad distracting.

About Time (*** 1/2) - A beautifully told and genuine story about fathers and sons led by newcomer Domhnall Gleeson in a breakout role - so much of things rings true, well as much as movie magic can.

All is Lost (*** 1/2) - A thrilling one man show - Robert Redford stars as 'Our Man' - a nameless figure lost at sea in his final moments, fascinating, thrilling and minimalist.

The Book Thief (***) - A mostly well-made WWII drama that is tied too closely to its source material - a bizarre voiceover narration holds back what is otherwise a strong film with good performances.

The Best Man Holiday (**) - Sincere but ultimately a bit dull, an ensemble drama with lighter moments that breaks no new ground in its 2 hour plus running time. (full review)

Blue is the Warmest Color (***) - Epic in scope with two brave performances, director Abdellatif Kechiche is tells the intimate story of two women coming into their own, falling in love and eventually drifting apart, parts don't quite work even if much feels emotionally accurate.

Captain Phillips (*** 1/2) - A solid thriller from Paul Greengrass and Tom Hanks, delivering smart edge of your seat thrills with a chilling conclusion.

Carrie (** 1/2) - A retelling of Carrie lacking the bite of director Kimberly Pierce's previous work, generally a solid genre exercise it lacks the bite we'd hope for from a director this smart. (full review)

Dallas Buyers Club (*** 1/2) - A haunting and vibrant exploration of the early stages of the AIDS epidemic, based on a true story and fronted by brilliant performances by Matthew McConaughey and Jared Leto.

Delivery Man (***) - A funny remake of the French Canadian hit Starbuck with a winning performance by Vince Vaughn as the world's most generous sperm donor. (full review)

Enough Said (*** 1/2) - Another briliant, funny perspective film by Nicole Holofcener led by two very funny and charming performances by Julia Louis-Dreyfus and James Gandolfini.

Gravity (*** 1/2) - An impressive technical feat from Alfonso Cuaron, led by a strong, psychological performance by Sandra Bullock. A must see in IMAX 3D.

The Hunger Games: Catching Fire (***) - Expanding on its original concept Catching Fire dives into further into media criticism providing providing somewhat of a warning in a very entertaining and smart package. (full review)

Last Vegas (** 1/2) - A light, good natured ensemble comedy that's entertaining while delivering exactly what you'd expect - a delightful package with too few surprises. (full review)

Nebraska (****) - Warm, strange and beautiful, a film I'm truly in love with, Bruce Dern stars as an elderly alcoholic, Woodrow in a stunning reflection of the roads taken and not taken in Rural Nebraska.

Oldboy (***) - A solid remake by Spike Lee - fun and violent remaining true to the original, the question remains - why make it, Spike?

Out of the Furnace (**) - Scott Cooper's flawed follow up to Crazy Heart is a thinly painted portrait on a rich canvas - lacking ethnographic research he creates a rather mundane thriller that otherwise showed promise. (full review)

Philomena (*** 1/2) - The true story of a sacked BBC correspondent (Steve Coogan) who teams up with a women searching for her son (Judi Dench) - an entertaining film that hits the cords Stephen Frears is best at hitting.

Some Velvet Morning (***) - Breaking no new ground, Neil Labute downsizes back towards a two-person character driven drama in a contained space with energetic performances by Stanley Tucci and Alice Eve. In theaters and on VOD (full review)

Thor: The Dark World (**) - Painfully boring action film that places disorienting sequences above character development.

Tyler Perry's A Madea Christmas (*1/2) - Not without laughs - including a few cringe inducing ones, this new Tyler Perry outing is lazier than his usual output, made quickly and cheaply. (full review)

OUT OF THE FURNACE **

Scott Cooper's flawed follow up to Crazy Heart is a thinly painted portrait on a rich canvas - lacking ethnographic research he creates a rather mundane thriller that otherwise showed promise.

Out of the Furnace, 110 minutes, director: Scott Cooper ** of 4 stars

Out of the Furnace is a peculiar picture: pure 1970s gritty realism crossed exploring the painfully and continually relevant effects of war including PTSD. The problem is Out of the Furnace offers the potential for a rich portrait wrapped in a thriller concerned in its third act less with character and more with vengeance. Character is the story’s problem – set in the rust belt town of Braddock, PA (as seen in the beautiful Levi’s Go Forth campaign directed by Sin Nobre filmmaker Cary Fukunaga) the film never provides a deep exploration of these characters beyond the research co-writers Brad Ingelsby and Scott Cooper did, likely reading articles in the Bergen Record.

The story pins Christian Bale, who serves time for a deadly DUI against Woody Harrelson’s Harlan DeGroat – described as an inbreed from the Ramapo Hills. Here is where I thought this picture might shed some light on my neighbors – but herein lies the problem – I imagine it’s very difficult to study these folks. So here’s, simply what Urban Dictionary tells me when I google ‘DeGraot Ringwood NJ’

Term used by caucasian people of Ringwood and Mahwah, NJ and Suffern , NY for what were called Jackson Whites, a mixed race people who lived there for 300 years. Mineys now call themselves Ramapough Indians, but are not recgonized as an Indian nation by the feds

They were usually poor and underemployed. They once had jobs in the iron mines until World War II. Once the mines closed, they found jobs at a Ford assembly plant in Mahwah, NJ until it closed.

This is could make the for the subject of a very interesting ethnographic study although I have heard stories about just how difficult an ethnographic study this could be. Cult magazine Weird NJ attempted to unpack the history of the Jackson Whites in a lengthy study tracing blood lines – this would be ripe for documentary filmmaking, perhaps someone from this population will go to college and obtain an MFA in Documentary Filmmaking so that this history can be properly unpacked. Out of the Furnace has been controversial because of precisely what it isn’t – well researched.

Ending this rant I will continue to review the film – but that remains my core problem with it. It portrays a group with a sensitive history as nothing more than a device (kind of like an Adam Sandler movie that portrayed a whole gender as a device – you can see the appalling misogynistic treatment of women in many films but especially Just Go With It).

Out of the Furnace tells a simple story in an interesting place – Braddock, PA reminds me of my travels briefly last winter, teaching in a Rural enclave outside of Erie. Some of the towns I had visited in my travels (keep in mind alone, I didn’t have many friends in town) were a little like Braddock, once functioning engines of commerce with solid middle class jobs wrecked when said jobs moved oversees. This is the stuff of Bruce Springsteen’s last album, of course.

The film’s performances are quite good including Casey Affleck as Rodney, an Iraq War vet who participates in a fight club run by bar backroom numbers runner John (played by Willem Dafoe). When Bale’s Russell offers to pay back John what he’s owed, Rodney instead doubles down setting the story in motion, late in its third act.

The character driven drama which develops rather nicely in the first act runs off the trails in its third, cramming all the action that you see in the trailer into 30-minutes that don’t quite add up along with subplots (like Zoe Saldana’s Lena, Russell’s girlfriend before prison now married to the police Chief played by Forest Whitaker). The Place Beyond the Pines this is not – that film took its time developing three stories that functioned like a chain reaction, slightly flawed that was a glorious film.

Out of the Furnace does a lot right – it’s beautifully photographed and has some strong acting, script and structure is the film’s fetal flaw. Director Scott Cooper has a rich canvas that he has not made the most of.